You’re either an animal person or you are not.
I’m an animal person.
You’re either a dog or cat person.
I’m a dog person. Cats make me feel like staff.
Now, for the big money question … Are you an exotic pet person? Exotic pet, like a tiger?
I’m not off my head.
What if the tiger wakes up one day and completely forgets how I lovingly hand-fed it as a cub? And then decides, on the spur of the moment, to chomp me?
Then, how would I take my tiger for walks? She would need lots of walks – my garden isn’t big enough for a tiger. Look, I would be responsible and put her on a leash, but still … how would the other dogs and owners feel about it? Especially the mums pushing prams?
Added to this, how would I afford the vet’s bills? It’s not like I could get her into the car and then drive around the corner to our local vet? I couldn’t nonchalantly walk her into the waiting rooms, pretending she’s a dog? Also, I’m not sure if Dr Charles has any experience with tigers? And, even if he did, surely it would come at a price?
Then, what would I do about tiger food? Tigers don’t eat Hill’s or Eukanuba. They eat real meat. With blood on it. Lots of it. I’d have to become a vegetarian to afford it. Or, home school both children.
Then, what about the neighbours? They’d call the police, I’m quite sure. I would have to calmly explain to the officers when they arrived that I was legally allowed to keep a tiger and they’d have to go away.
The Homeowners Association would call an emergency meeting.
Too much drama.
But, on the up-side, I wouldn’t need to pay for constant monitoring of my alarm. I could switch off the electric fence and sleep deeply at night. Nobody would dare break in, not with a tiger in my backyard.
But, I doubt any tiger would be happy with me. Surely tigers are best off in the wild? In India, where Bengal tigers belong?
I’ll stick to Zoe, thank you very much. She’s a Sandton Slipper. She’s not an exotic even though she is a Maltese. But, looks are deceiving – you would never suspect it, but she’s actually a tiger in disguise.
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